Blank canvas

How to begin something new...

After many paragraphs typed and deleted, maybe just cutting the frills off is the best way.

This is the part of life I am worst at. I LOVE to draw, I love to paint and to play my guitar and sing and to bake cakes and to write. But all of these things terrify me when I haven't started them yet. That "what if I ruin this spotless clean canvas" feeling takes over, and with a thousand ideas and tunes and plans in my mind, I do nothing.

I have spent the last two years of my life studying Psychology with Counselling at Hull University. Counselling is, without a doubt, what I want to spend my life doing. And yet I'm still so scared every time I sit down in front of a video camera, ready to counsel somebody about to tell me all their problems, knowing that later - everything that I do, say, don't say, every movement of my face and body, will be assessed. It's pretty brutal.

And yet today, on my first day of my final year, I feel I learnt something invaluable. I received the highest mark for anything I have ever done so far. My tutor noted my "use of creativity" and "...daring questions. I love how you just got straight in to the crux of it" and naturally, I was more than happy. But it also made me think, if I don't do that, if I don't just get down to it, then I won't do anything.

So six months ago... I decided I should start blogging. I've dreamed for a while of one day selling my art. We'll see whether that ever happens, but for now... I have this blog as my new canvas to work on.

It baffles me, I feel a little silly typing away to myself, but I like it, I feel like I've finally just got it done!