The other day though, the sun shone. I had no reason to go outside, but in mid-October in Hull, you don't take sunshine for granted. I walked alone to nowhere, with my ears full of Ingrid Michealson (whose music makes me want to laugh and cry and live) and took in how life looks so different in the sunshine.
But as I walked, as I turned corners and found myself in the shade of depressing grey buildings, I realised it's not so easy to stay soaking up the rays when you live in the middle of concrete student land. All of a sudden I was just walking, kind of bored, a bit chilly, until I remembered reading recently...
"I crossed the street to walk in the sunshine."
-Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love
...So that's what I did. And it didn't matter that the street I was on has no flowers, no beautiful sights or interesting people. It just mattered to walk where things looked brightest. I smiled at the mundane and embraced that for a little while longer, this place is my home.
The next day, I shimmied into cut off jeans and slipped my toes into my flip flops, and threw my curtains open... and was greeted by rain. LOTS of rain. Something told me not to worry though. A few minutes later I was facing my university tutor, who told me I was either very brave or very silly... I told her I am in fact simply an optimist. The rain didn't stop, but it felt good to hope.
Some days my life is full of sun. I know that my friends love me, that I'm blessed with an amazing family and a wonderful life... and no matter what happens, I walk in that sunshine.
Other days the rain comes.
I suppose all I can do is hold onto the sun in my heart, and wear my flip flops in the rain.